Power Corrupts

Dear Love Ones,

Quite often, Wednesday is a day of mild panic. What to write about? Often I am bailed out by a helpful reader as was the case this Wednesday when I received a desperate cry for help. Little did my poor unsuspecting reader know that she had touched on a subject that is dear to my heart?

“I am feeling rather guilty for taking such great enjoyment from your blogs and not telling you how informative and insightful they are while at the same time managing to be light and humorous.  I love the way you weave the personal and ordinary with broader world events and how we are never quite sure where you are going to take us next. I love the bright colors, the international flavors and historic vignettes and the poetic phrasing with which you articulate it all.

Thank you, thank you for writing and sharing them. I imagine that while your writing is personally gratifying – something compelling bubbles up inside and escapes through your fingers – I know you also write as a gift to others. We all know that writing as an art form has an incomparable power to keep us human, so do keep them coming, dear Peg.

On that note, I wonder if in your travels, or stored deep within your extensive font of wisdom you have come across an explanation of the attraction – no the obsessive relationship between men and power-washing. If so, PLEASE DO SHARE!

At this moment, I am not wearing earplugs, as I haven’t any, (really the rental outlets should supply a set for each member of the household) and a certain “Love-one” has felt compelled to take a whole day off work and commit to a 3-hour rental of the highest powered washer available. The target? Tiny, innocent “mosslings” trying to maintain their humblest space in the universe, the cracks they share with other insignificant but noble inhabitants – the ants.

I do hope you can help with this most worrisome question, Peg as if you can’t, God knows I have NOWHERE TO TURN and am at this point, I am HALF CRAZY!

Your desperate friend, LOIS

While I appreciate her kind and generous compliments, I hate to break it to dear Lois but there is a reason she is desperate. She is obviously looking for love in all the wrong places. Yes, I TOO HAVE A CRUSH ON THE POWER WASHER.

This machine holds a special place not just in the hearts of men but, I fear, a personality type that crosses sexual boundaries. The appeal? It all lies in the first word of the name. POWER!

In a world where we have so little real power, this is one of the last bastions – so savor it we must!  Where else can you experience such instant gratification? The moment I hear the roar of that engine I feel a surge of pleasure knowing that any minute I will be blasting into oblivion all sorts of green slime, “mosslings”, mildew, glass streaks, dirt, leaves, and any other bloody stupid thing that gets in my path. Godzilla of the Garden has her way, exercising yet again the dominion of man over nature. WooHoo!

Lois, it would seem, regrets that she has a partner who appreciates the finer points of alfresco afraido! I myself am grateful that MY Love One seems to avoid “yard work” of any description and I don’t have to wrestle him to the ground to get control of the wand of wonder, the fountain of force. She just doesn’t seem to get it! Of course he had to get “the highest powered one available“, silly girl. Size matters my dear and the bigger the better when it comes to power washers. More “bang” for the buck! What would she prefer, a soggy, flaccid hose? A “wishy washer”? Wishey washers are for willy wankers.

Pressure washing used to be something we could look forward to, to fill an otherwise lack-luster weekend except now there are by-laws saying you can’t do it on a Sunday! When the hell do they expect us to do it? The thought of Lois’ Love One having to take a whole day off work to savor the full force of the AK47 of hoses makes me shake my head and wonder “what is the world coming to?”

Dear Lois – stop all the whining – I fail to understand your need for ear-plugs? The noise of course is part of the appeal. Not only can you see it working you can also HEAR it working, aak.aak.aak.aak, killing everything in sight – blasting through spider webs (not to mention spiders)- an insect Tsunami that has the insect population living in fear, patiently rebuilding for bug years after the devastation…

I was once the proud owner of a power washer but it went the way of all flesh and ended up in “thing heaven” – you know – that place somewhere in the great void that is full of single socks! Now I have to borrow from a friend but the thrill of ownership is missing – it’s not MY power washer.

Now if you are wondering what sort of “sensitive” personality could shun the Kalishnikov of garden tools and care more about “noble ants and innocent mosslings” you can check her out at http://www.loiskeaneflowers.com/  

She is as beautiful as her bouquets and I love her to bits!

By the way – I encourage comments – they will all be treated with the usual respect.

4 Responses

  1. Anonymous Says:

    When my husband left me, he neglected to take with him the ferrari of pressure washers stored in the garage. I have since become enourmously popular with friends and neighbors with my generous loaning of said washer to all the ‘tired, poor,great unwashed’ homes and their owners who previously espied and envied our coveted possession. After my ‘dearly’ departed, i went on a cleaning binge and pressure washed every inch of my home/yard as if to cleanse away the vestiges of gloom from rafter to railing. If i could have pressure washed the sky to blow away the clouds i would have done that too. Now when the sun shines and the house sparkles, i feel quite at home.

  2. Jane Says:

    You had me howling this morning…
    Too funny .. especially as my loved one spent most of yesterday afternoon with his hands clasped tightly around his power nozzle. At one point I tried to share in his pleasure, but was pushed away and told I didn’t have enough experience and would probably not enhance his Power Washing session.. I turned and left feeling overwhelmed with PW envy. Later that day as he sat relaxed and contented with his job well done, he did promise to share some of the more subtle points of Power Washing with me.. I look forward to becoming a good Power Washing partner. I do believe it will enhance our relationship, take us to deeper, cleaner, mildew and moss free level. Maybe one day, together we will write the Kuma Sutra of couples Power Washing…

    Blog on dear Peg.. You rock!

  3. Lois Says:

    DO you ever know how to spin a good yarn!!

    I LOVED it!

  4. Jan Morrison Says:

    Peg. It appears from your blog, that every second household in Canada has a high-pressure-hose-washer!! WHY? Here in Australia they are rare in the suburbs. Maybe our nomemclature for a “power washer’ is not the turn-on it is for Canadian males. My husband only has one on our farm, to wash our machinery and equipment. Anyway who could be bothered using it around the house when the wind just blows the dust back again and the spiders reappear from their cracks and crevasses after the cleaning is done. Besides, we Australians are battling the “worst drought in 100 years” and are forbidden to use hoses around the house. Thank goodness.

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